Business Coaching Corner: Maybe Eliot Spitzer Should Have Had a Mentor! The Importance of Mentoring

Of the many kinds of relationships in life, mentoring relationships can be among the most important and beneficial when it comes to your professional career. Countless well known business leaders give credit to their mentors for their success. The most successful business people will frequently go out of their way to tell you about their mentors, and how those mentors made a significant difference in their professional career as well as their personal life. Personally, the opportunities I've enjoyed to work with a number of mentors have had a major impact on my own career.

The ways I have benefited from formal and informal mentoring professionally and personally could fill a book, not just this brief article. I have also had the opportunity to observe mentoring relationships from a number of different angles. I have had the benefit of some wonderful mentors, I've mentored people myself, and I've also developed and run corporate mentoring programs. I've also served as the director of a career advisory service during my tenure at a Fortune 500 company formally and informally mentoring over 375 individuals on their careers. As a result of all this experience, I know from a practical and intuitive standpoint the positive impact of successful mentoring, and I would like to offer you some tips and strategies for establishing a mentoring relationship that you’re certain to find extremely worthwhile.

Before you enter into a mentoring relationship, you need to be clear about the type of mentoring relationship that will best serve your needs, by asking yourself the following questions.

What kind of mentor do you want? There are two schools of thought. You can find a mentor who is strong in the skills that you feel are also your own strengths. These skills might include effective communication and execution. If you want this kind of mentor, then your goal should be to take these strengths to the next level. On the other hand, you might seek a mentor who is strong in the areas which you recognize are your weakest skills. Examples of these competencies might include the ability to delegate tasks or the ability to effectively manage workers’ performance. If this is the approach you’re taking to finding a mentor, then your goal will be to work on your weaknesses, and turn them into strengths. Whichever approach you prefer, decide what is best for you and then start to look for a mentor.

How do you select a mentor? Once again, there are two schools of thought when it comes to this question. In seeking a mentor, you can limit your search to people who currently hold the role or position you aspire to hold yourself, or you can focus strictly on a mentor who possesses character traits like leadership, integrity, fairness which you want to emulate. Sometimes, you can find a mentor who not only holds a position you aspire to, but who also is strong in the skills you’d like to master yourself. I recommend this "combination approach" for a number of reasons. First, you might ultimately find that the position you originally thought you wanted isn't all you thought it might be, once you learn more about it. Second, skills can be taught much easier than character, leadership or ethics. If you can’t find that "combination," I suggest you look for a mentor who represents the characteristics you respect in a person. Many people can plan strategically or have great process improvement skills, but not as many people have true leadership qualities like integrity and character and the ability to teach them to young professionals.

What kind of senior level does your mentor need to occupy? A lot of people think that a useful mentor needs to be someone in a very senior position, but this is not always necessary. If your focus is on skill development, then someone who holds the position of a department manager level may actually be a better mentor, because they probably have more day-to-day hands –on experience with respect to those skills. People like this are still "in the trenches," and that can be extremely valuable. If you're seeking a mentor with mastery of "bigger picture" thinking in your business or industry, then in this case a more senior person may indeed make a better mentor. These people may be "out of the trenches" on a daily basis, but they're in a position to see and helping to develop your company's big picture.

Do you have the necessary time and commitment? Nothing can be worse than entering into a mentoring relationship and not seeing it through or not showing the necessary commitment level, leaving the mentor wondering why he or she made the effort to meet with you in the first place. Prior to entering into the mentoring relationship, you should ask yourself a number of questions. How often do you want to meet with your mentor? Are you ready to attend regular meetings with the person you choose as your mentor? Do you have the time to work on projects in your mentor’s business area? It's worth remembering that some of the most successful mentoring relationships have occurred when the mentee had the opportunity to do some work in the mentor's area.

When you meet with your mentor, who's running the show? When you meet with your mentor, be prepared. It is not the mentor's responsibility to set the meeting agenda and decide what needs to be discussed. It is your responsibility to be prepared with questions, issues and/or situations you want to discuss. Often, your mentor will have something important and relevant to discuss. You should, of course, listen intently and be engaged in the conversation. Ultimately, the focus of a mentoring relationship should be on professional development, and taking responsibility for the relationship and how your meetings will be conducted is a very useful step in that direction.

How do you ask someone to be your mentor? The answer is simple. You ask them to be your mentor. (Sorry to be glib here!) I know that the act of asking someone you respect if he or she is willing to be your mentor can feel a little awkward. What if they say no? What if there is an awkward pause, and the person you've asked seems to indicate they feel like they are being pressured into the arrangement out of a sense of obligation? Actually, most people will feel honored that you asked them to be your mentor. Nevertheless, remember that in asking someone to enter into a mentoring relationship with you, you're asking for a serious commitment of their time, so there may be some hesitation. I recommend that you do not ask your potential mentor in person. Instead, make your request in the form of a hand written note. (If your handwriting is as bad as mine, then I recommend a typed note instead of a handwritten one.) I may be "old school," but I would not suggest making your request via email. In your note, briefly explain why you would like to work with this person as your mentor, what you hope to gain from the mentoring relationship, and the basic time commitment you have in mind. (In other words, you might suggest a six month or yearlong mentor relationship)..) Give your potential mentor a gracious way to say no, by adding a line to your note such as "I will understand if you are too busy at this time to accept this request." If they do decline, you have left the door open to ask again at a different time.

In addition, don't say or even hint that you'd like to establish this mentoring relationship because you hope it will help you get a promotion. I'm sure that no one reading this article would ever be so blatantly "opportunistic," but I can't tell you how many times I've heard young professionals make that statement. Your mentor is smart enough to figure out that you are focusing on your professional development and interested in advancing your career. Besides, if your only real motivation for having a mentor is to gain exposure to your mentor's peers and superiors so that you can receive a promotion, it's time for you to re-think the idea of having a mentor.

Even worse, the person you've asked to be your mentor will quickly see that you're seeking a mentoring relationship with them for purely self-serving reasons, and quite reasonably be offended. If your single goal is to receive a promotion, then focus on your job and don't waste your time on meeting with a mentor. While it's true that some people achieve success in business primarily because of who they know, but in my experience these people lack true confidence and spend their careers looking back over their shoulders. These people know they are climbing the ladder of success not because of talent, but simply because of the people around them. It's far better to build your success on what you know (rather than on who you know) and on your talents. An effective mentoring relationship offers great wisdom and insight, and not simply an easy path to success. Perhaps best of all, a good mentor often becomes a lifelong friend, as many of my mentors have become for me.