Your Fate Is What You Make It

I have to admit that I don't put much stock in fate. Living life with that approach makes life too easy. As many of you know, life isn't easy. I have heard many of the arguments in favor of the "fate" philosophy to life - such as, "How could you ever find 'The One,' your spouse or life partner, in this great big world without fate?" Maybe I'm wrong, but here's how I see it.

I just can't believe that I was destined to be a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the chest down and confined to this chair. I am not angry or mad about it. Would it really be useful for me to blame fate? I just can't believe that from the day I was born, I was "fated" to be a quadriplegic. I don't believe I was in some sort of trance, walking to the dock at the age of 24, mindlessly diving into the water - headed for an experience that would alter the rest of my life forever.

I'm slightly exaggerating here, but even those who do believe in the power of fate would have to agree that there are some problems with an attitude towards lifein which there is no personal accountability. If that was the case, then the decisions I made that morning didn't change the fact that I was "predestined" to be paralyzed.

The problem I have with viewing life as ruled by "fate" is that this would automatically require me to adopt the belief that "It's not my fault that I am paralyzed" - and lead me to reject any sense of responsibility. When you don't accept responsibility for your life, you become a spectator. You only become passively involved in your own life because -- no matter where life takes you -- "fate" holds all the cards. I will tell you from experience that there is no spectator role in life when it comes to overcoming true adversity. Blaming fate for everything that happens in your life also robs you of your greatest weapon - your ability to influence your own life, as well as (most importantly) your ability to make it better. If you truly believe that fate handed you this adversity and all the circumstances and complications that come with it, how can you expect to rise above the challenge? People who have passively accepted what "fate" has handed them, without any sense of personal responsibility, are the people who say, "My dad was an alcoholic, so I am too -- and I'll always be an alcoholic." These are the people who say, "My mom was always overweight, so I'll always be heavy." Difficult circumstances are hard enough to overcome even when we do accept responsibility for these challenging situations. Now try and do it with that kind of passive mindset. It can be very tempting to do this, and it happens all the time. The unfortunate result is that you frequently see people giving up and just accepting what life has thrown -- and will continue to throw -- at them.

Following my accident, the doctors not only told me I was a quadriplegic, but they told me I would never be able to live independently again. They declared that an independent life was now impossible for me. They told me that I would now need someone to do the simplest things for me - to dress me and feed me.

If I had made the choice to "let fate have its way" following my accident, this morning someone would have helped me get out of bed, bathe, and get dressed. I would have needed someone to feed me. One day not long ago, I would have gone to my oldest daughter Liza Jane's Christmas recital in my electric wheelchair and traveled with someone to open doors and do other simple things for me.

Let me tell you about one day I enjoyed recently -- by not buying into the idea that "fate" had altered my life. On that particular morning - just like every other morning -- I got myself out of bed, showered, and dressed myself without any help. (It takes nearly two hours for me to get dressed on my own, but I do it). I helped my young children "go potty," got them dressed, made and fed them breakfast and drove myself to a breakfast business meeting and then -- in my manual wheelchair -- saw and videotaped my daughter's recital. It was a great day! To be honest, every day may not be easy, but I can honestly say that every day is so much better - and filled with so much more joy - than I would ever experience had I adopted the "fate" philosophy of life. I wanted to share the details of this particular day with you even though I wrote this article a few months ago. While I was updating the article, the events of that day truly brought a smile to my face.

My real goal here isn't to convince you that "fate" doesn't exist. I'm not a philosopher or a theologian. I'll leave that decision up to each of you. In my opinion, if fate does exist, I believe that it only plays a small role in shaping my life. I believe that life is shaped by the decisions you make, both good and bad. I certainly didn't expect to be paralyzed after my dive, just as you probably didn't expect some of the consequences of your decisions. If you are happy in your life, be proud of what you have done - take responsibility for the decisions you've made that have brought you to this point, and give yourself the credit. If you are not happy with your life, and find yourself experiencing adversity, know that you have the power to change that situation. It may not be easy, but you really can overcome "fate."