"I never lost a game I just ran out of time", Joe Motanna Pro Football Hall of Fame quarterback.

I love this quote because it speaks to the idea of persistence. The other underlying message I read in this quote is the journey is as important as the result. The important things in life are usually hard. It takes work, commitment and sacrifice. In my experience it usually takes longer than any of us would like. However, if you maintain faith and keep at it you will win. The good thing about life is that there is no final whistle until you blow it. You may have to call a rain delay or postpone a game until the next day because of darkness. That doesn't mean the game is over. Take the break to walk away, give yourself a breather maybe even a dose of smelling salts. When the battery is re-charged you can start up again.

The other message is that you can learn so much along the way. We are always so quick to want to get through it. "Let me just get thru this, just let it be over" Don't wait and hope for the whistle to blow, understand that the longer the game goes on the more you will learn. The better prepared you will be the next time around.

The quick and easy never really works.

Please share with me your impressions and thoughts or quotes you find inspiring.
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The book I'd like to introduce you to this month is "Now, Discover Your Strengths" by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D.

This is a companion to the book I profiled in my May newsletter -- "First, Break All the Rules," also by Marcus Buckingham, along with his co-author Curt Goffman -- and a very good book as well. As I noted last month, "First, Break All the Rules" shows how managers play an extremely crucial role in retaining and getting the most out of a company's employees. In "First, Break All The Rules" Buckingham and Coffman make use of extensive empirical research conducted by the Gallup Companies (based on over a million interviews of employees across a broad range of companies, industries, and countries) to analyze the critical role of managers with respect to a company's or organization's ultimate success and achievement. Where "Now, Discover Your Strengths" begins to differ with the previous book is that it shifts from focusing on what managers can do to develop people to helping you as an individual to identify and develop your own strengths. This is still a great book for managers, as it does speak to how managers can help develop a person's strengths, yet this book is far more focused on the individual.

At the crux of the book is the co-authors' point that we all focus too much on our weaknesses, both at work and in our personal lives. We take our strengths for granted, assuming they will always be there and improve. We let them "sit idly by," maybe making some improvements in those areas by luck or by paying some attention to them. On the flipside, we are hell bent on making improvements -- even huge improvements - in areas where we are weak. Although the book focuses primarily on developing your strengths in terms of professional development, Buckingham and Clifton provide a great example of this thinking - one that any parent can appreciate, and it's one that I can relate to personally. People who knew me as a kid knew that Math was not one of my strengths by any stretch. One of my buddies would kid me and say, "Bill, you work at a bank but you're better with shapes and colors." When I came home with my report card, you would see some B's and C's in Social Studies, English classes and so on, but probably a C -- maybe even a D -- in Math. After each report card came home, what was the area of focus from my parent's point of view? Math, Math and more Math. It's not surprising and is completely understandable, especially if you follow this book's assumptions. In their book, Buckingham and Clifton argue directly and indirectly that as a society, we focus far more on trying to develop our weaknesses at the expense of further developing and maximizing our strengths.

The co-authors have developed a tool called the StrengthsFinder Profile. This doesn't suddenly give you the strengths you want, but instead will help find you where you have the greatest potential for strength. This tool measures the 34 themes of talent that were discovered during Gallup's analysis of over one million interviews with people all of levels, in different companies and industries. After completing the profile, you'll learn your five dominant themes of talent, otherwise known as your signature themes. A talent is defined as a recurring pattern of thought, feeling or behavior that can be applied consistently. Some examples of these patterns include achiever, deliberative, inclusiveness, learner, relater and strategic. The co-authors then dedicate a full page to explain what defines each theme like, an achiever and gives examples of what an achiever "sounds" like by selecting achievers from different industries and letting them explain the term in their own words.

The book goes on to help show you how to put those strengths, the talents to work. Buckingham and Clifton do this by responding to the kind of questions they have received from people who have taken the StrengthsFinder profile, and this is a very effective approach. These questions include:
- Why should I focus on my strengths?
- Can I develop new themes if I don't like the ones I have?
- How can I manage around my weaknesses?
- Can the themes reveal if I am in the right career?
The book then gives you insight into how to manage a person with strong themes such as empathy, focus, fairness and futuristic - covering all 34 themes.

I liked this book and its predecessor ("First, Break All the Rules") because they challenge the generally accepted principles of the professional development field -- and to some degree also challenge the commonly held principles of the personal development movement. The co-authors urge companies to re-think two longstanding principles regarding the way they develop people - the idea that every person can learn to be competent in almost anything, and the belief that each person's greatest room for growth is in his or her areas of greatest weakness.

Now I will admit that this puts me at odds with what my gut has always told me about myself and about the potential we all have to improve (even dramatically improve) on our personal and/or professional weakness. My own personal experience always has me rooting for an underdog and enthusiastically advising people to "never give up" on anything that's important to them when it comes to their personal and professional development. I tend to follow my gut, and root for the underdog and the belief that we all have the opportunity to improve in any area we focus on - but it's hard to completely ignore the empirical data and other research. The data and research that Buckingham and Clifton present in the book doesn't get technical but does effectively makes the point that our minds are hard wired even from birth to be better at certain things than other things. The co-authors make comparisons to the use of T1 lines (broadband lines used to carry vast amounts of data and information very rapidly saying it's as if your strengths are transmitted through T1 superfast lines because they allow certain talents to come more easily to you than talents traveling over older "slower lines."

Whether you fall into the traditional school of management thinking that encourages people to improve on their weaknesses, or if you are already a firm believer in the value of focusing on your strengths with little attention to your weaknesses, you'll find many great ideas in this book. "Now, Discover Your Strengths" is informative, well written and offers a good mix of data and personal examples. "First, Break All the Rules" gave me a lot to think about as a manager who worked hard for many years to develop my people. "Now, Discover Your Strengths" has me thinking about my own personal development. I still won't let go of the idea that it's worth working on my weaknesses. I just can't do that. I do find it interesting, though, that I still suck in Math -- so maybe Buckingham and Clifton are right!

If you have any thoughts about the weaknesses vs. strengths debate, I'd love to hear from you!
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For those of us engaged in business, there is one subject that seems to be on our minds every day, every hour, perhaps even every minute - "Motivation." As a leader, you are always thinking about it and always being asked about it by your boss. How is the team's morale? What do you need to motivate your team? (Your boss asking you this question is not to be confused with making any promises about giving you what you ask for, of course!)

Even when your team does have motivation, you want more or you want to channel that motivation more effectively -- and in the right direction. If you don't have motivation, you are wiling to do anything short of (insert choice of felony here) to get it! In this article, I will focus on strategies for leaders and managers to use in motivating others. Since we can't do it all on our own, motivating your people is critical to success. (I understand that this observation doesn't come to you as a "news flash," of course!) I also believe these principles and tips will be invaluable in helping you to motivate yourself. Before we discuss these strategies however, I want to share a few building blocks to get you into the right mindset.

Here is the rub. Ultimately, you can't really motivate someone else over the long haul. They have to find the motivation inside themselves. (I touch on this point a little later in this article.) You can motivate them for a day or a week or so, but that motivation is likely to fade very quickly in a flurry of meetings, emails, personal issues, etc. In my experience, the best approach you can take as a leader or manager is to create the right environment for your team to succeed, give them every opportunity to motivate themselves, and then help see why they should do it and why all this effort will be worth it. Work is hard even when you love what you're doing. Achieving and even exceeding goals (when possible) is hard and even harder when you are counting on others to see it through, just as we all do. To motivate people to do the job, task, or project and do it well, your team has to do it all -- the easy stuff, the hard stuff, and the monotonous, tedious stuff, not just the fun and exciting stuff. All of it has to be done equally well for the project to really succeed. If the individuals can't find the motivation to do it and maintain it, then the team's results won't be as good as they could otherwise be.

The other principle that is critical to keep in mind is that every situation is "motivationally neutral." We have the habit of looking at things as "motivators" or "de-motivators." Actually, there is no such thing. For a situation to be one or the other all depends upon your perspective. Some of you cynics out there are probably saying, "Bill, that sounds like you're saying a situation is good or bad purely depending upon the way you 'spin it.'" That is what I'm saying, but I'd like to point out that the idea of "spinning it" gets a bad rap. I'm not encouraging you to pretend that some issue or challenge isn't hard. Instead, I want to urge you to look for the upside or opportunity in a challenging situation. Here is an example.

The legendary Harry Houdini started out as magician, and evidently not a very good one. Since traditional magic wasn't working for him, he changed his act and cut back on the card tricks and sawing his wife in half every night. He shifted his focus, and became a world famous escape artist. I think everyone knows just how successful Houdini became after that shift in focus.

Houdini faced a situation that was neither motivating nor de-motivating. It was just a situation. Some people (perhaps many people) would probably see the situation as a de-motivator, but other people -- frequently the more successful people -- wouldn't see it that way. Instead, they would use the situation to move on and get past the challenges. They found something in the situation that motivated them.

Now, let's talk about how you can motivate your people:

Know Your People. You have to know your people. It's not just about the basic easy questions or observation, although there is a place for that. To really help a person motivate him or herself, you need to understand them and know what's most meaningful to them. Do they like public praise or do they shun the spotlight? Do they like having a lot of things on their plate at one time, or do they want to handle one thing at a time? If they don't like the spotlight, for example, you have to dig and find why. Then, you can find the most appropriate way to recognize that person's efforts. You need to know what does and doesn't drive them, in order to help them find a strong enough reason to do it. If they can't come up with a good enough reason for self-motivation, help them. I remember reading about a car repair shop that faced this kind of challenge. The manager of the repair shop felt that the work of his repairmen was slow and shoddy. To help motivate his people, he learned what was important to his employees, and he reminded them each and every day how they were making people lives better and keeping kids safe as a result of their great repair work.

Get Them Fully Engaged. It's hard for people to stay motivated if they don't think they have the ability to influence the impact on a project or the final outcome. Most people want to share their ideas, suggestions or approaches. If all you do is tell people what to do and how to do it, you are not maximizing your team's potential and they feel less engaged. They may give you what you want, and you may even get more than you expected, but they still will not contribute everything they would have if they had felt truly empowered.

Be Specific. Although I just cautioned against spoon feeding your people, you should still make sure there is no confusion about what needs to be done and what the end game is. You can leave the strategy open to suggestions, but make sure it is clear what they are working towards to start. When you have 5, 20, or even 100 people working for you there is a lot of room for misinterpretation. You can avoid this problem by being very clear about what you want and need. If there are behaviors that need to change, clearly and openly talk about those issues. If the team tends to rely too much on anecdotal information, then require more fact-based recommendations.

Live up to your end of the deal. If you are asking people to step up and work hard for you, don't let them down. If they are asking for information, get it to them on time -- and get it to them early if possible. If you have promised to give them the time to do what they need, don't bog them down with extra meetings, projects or "busy work" you don't want to do or don't think you have the time to do. When it's "crunch time," your team doesn't have time for this extraneous work either, so do it yourself. If there are people hurting the team and everyone knows it then get these difficult people on board or get them out of the process.

Track and Celebrate Progress. Know what is going on. Nothing is more effective in moving people to action and keeping them going than a feeling that progress is being made. At the same time, nothing will kill momentum quicker than the boss being clueless about progress. If a person or your team asks for an update, you'd better be able to provide that update right there on the spot or in less than 5 minutes. If your response is, "I haven't checked the numbers in a few days" or "I'm not sure, but I'll email you something in the next couple of days, that's a very bad sign. You also can't recognize extra effort or progress if you don't know what is going on. If your team is ahead of plan by a percent or two earlier than you expected or if part of a project will be completed a few days ahead of an important deadline, celebrate that. You can't celebrate this progress, if you haven't been tracking it - and make sure that you don't just celebrate at the end of the project. Find opportunities to celebrate even small milestones along the way.

Use energy wisely. If you need to encourage people to tackle the less desirable parts of the assignment or activities they find very challenging, make these demands when they are at their best and when they have a lot of energy. None of us want to be forced to tackle something we feel is a weakness or want to be asked to come through at a time when our energy is at low ebb. For some of you, that time of low energy might be right after lunch during a "food coma" or after a couple of tough meetings. Make it a point to tackle the tough stuff when you are at your peak energy level or when you feel especially good -- like after receiving some recognition, giving a good presentation, or receiving a positive progress report.

Show your team that it can be done and will be worth the effort. It can be very useful to point to examples of other teams that have faced a similar challenge and come through with flying colors. I recently read about a manager who wanted his team to see that they could be a high-performing team. He made arrangements to have two of his people work on a high-performing team for three weeks. As a result, their experience extended beyond simply hearing that challenging results could be achieved. They saw firsthand that it could be done, and even participating in the experience. Also, getting your team to understand the specific results of successfully completing the project can be invaluable -- whether those benefits come in the form of profit sharing, recognition from the rest of the company, or some other reward.

I realize that these concepts just scratch the surface of this important topic. I'd like to hear your thoughts and experiences with respect to motivation. Please contact me through my blog or by sending me an e-mail note. I look forward to sharing your comments with the rest of our community in a future issue of this monthly newsletter.
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I've played many roles in my life, and around this time of year, I find myself reflecting on my role as a father. Although I am a father of not just one or two but three wonderful children (all under the age of five) I certainly don't consider myself an expert on fatherhood. (I hope when someone does become an expert they will be kind enough to give me a call.) At the same time, I do bear the scars - albeit fresh scars - of all that I've learned over the past five years. Although many of you who are fathers may have more years of experience at all this than I do, I do feel comfortable sharing my thoughts about being a father because it's the most important thing I will ever do.

When I began this essay, I thought it would turn out to be light and kind of fun -- which it could have been, because there's no doubt that being a dad can be incredibly fun. I quickly found myself growing serious, however, because what we do as dads in today's world is very serious. I apologize if this essay is a little on the more serious side.

First, I don't think it's possible to talk about being a father without talking about the moms. Not just because having and raising children is a team effort, but because mothers deserve enormous credit. I have confidence that all of us fathers would figure out the parenting thing if for no other reason than the survival of our species, but I can't help but notice that thanks to the moms our learning curve is so much shorter and less frustrating. I still may not have grasped certain basic parenting fundamentals like the fact that there's a little plastic insert that goes into those "sippy cups" so they just don't spill like every other cup. On the other hand, I do think we are a little better than we get credit for.

This is a good moment to thank my wife, who is just awesome. We have three amazingly wonderful kids and it wouldn't have been possible without her - in every sense. Although I do more than just follow her lead, she does set the tone for our family and she understands better than anyone what our kids need to know, and what they should be doing -- and when. (Do any of you guys really know when a kid should be potty trained? I know I don't!) Mothers (especially my wife Lizzy) clearly know what's best for our kids -- and not just around the house, but also with respect to the children's personal development. My wife has certainly proven this, not just as a first time mom, but with our second and third children as well. It's clear that she carried more of the load, and I don't mean just because she is the mom. (All along the way it has all been done with a smile, a few well-deserved cross and frustrated looks at me from time to time, and an utter devotion to our kids in her heart.) Although I make every effort to be an equal partner in the parenting process, my condition means I can't do what a typical dad does all the time, especially when our children were infants. I am lucky to have her, and our kids are even luckier. Thank you, darling!

It seems to be a parenting tradition to declare that we want to give our kids more than we ever had, but I don't think this idea or concept works today the way it used to, and I don't think that this should be our goal. This has been the measuring stick in our culture of our success as parents and a measure of how we as a country are doing. I think that looking at ourselves and at our country with this in mind is bad for two reasons. First, I'm troubled by the idea that my success as a dad depends on material possessions - and the idea that each successive generation deserves a little more "stuff." If my brother and I were given the family Grand Torino station wagon when we turned 16, then my kids should get a Lexus wagon or at least an Audi - if we buy into this "giving them more" concept. This emphasis on materialism also reinforces a sense of entitlement that is pervasive in our world and, unfortunately, in our kids. I don't blame them, of course. It's our fault. Speaking of cars, so many teenagers these days expect to be given a car when they graduate from high school. I hate to break it to these young men and women, but you're actually supposed to graduate from high school - even if the keys to a new car are not dangled before your eyes as an incentive.

I am now beginning to see and believe that it's not my job to "give" my kids more than I had, but to "give" in another sense. By that, I mean I believe it is my job as a father to give them the support, the time and the lessons I can pass along to help them develop the skills, tools and resources that put them in the position to have more than I have - if that's even what they want. I've come to understand that I can offer this support by being involved in their lives, parenting them with love and patience, and sharing my experiences, values and perspective with them. I believe another job I have as a father is not to tell them who to be. If my children look at me as I am leaving this earth and say, "Dad, thanks for helping me to become who I am today," then I did my job. It's not my job to tell them who to be, what they should do with their lives, who they should marry, and so on. I will willingly (even when I'm not asked) share my opinions, perspective and experiences with them. I feel a true responsibility to do everything I can to help them live a life they are proud of and to support them in becoming hard working, respectful, and self-confident adults who recognize the importance of helping others. I hope my kids look people in the eye when they meet them, develop good character and values, open doors for women, give up their seat for a pregnant woman, know better than to sit on the sidelines when they see something is wrong, and I also hope that they grow up to be good parents themselves.

In today's world, in which kids are forced to grow up faster and make difficult decisions earlier than previous generations, our role as fathers is even more critical. Our kids will make mistakes and that's not an excuse, just reality. Hopefully, we can keep our kids from doing things that will cause harm to themselves, others or affect their lives long term.

I certainly don't pretend to have all the answers and obviously will not even try to cover all that we do as fathers. If you were to ask me right now, however -- knowing what I know today -- what the future holds for our kids and how we can best prepare them for the future, here are a few things I would focus on.

Personal accountability. Don't bail out your kids. We need to teach our kids that they are responsible for their own actions or inaction. Too many adults are way too quick to call a lawyer when something doesn't go our way, and unfortunately we do the same for our kids. We're far too quick to call a coach when our kid doesn't make the team, to call a teacher when our child gets a B on their report card or to call a child's boss when he or she doesn't get promoted. Yes, I know that one for a fact. When things don't go the way you might like, your first reaction ought to be and say, "Okay, son or daughter, we need to work a little harder." Give your child a hug, tell them you love them and are proud of them, and then spend time with them. We do them no favors by fixing a situation for them. I think we all understand why that's true.

You can do anything. I want both of my older kids to think like their little sister Mary Kate, who is 21 months old. She thinks she can do anything that her older brother and sister can do. If they climb up on a chair, she thinks she can climb it. If they jump from the third step on the staircase, she thinks she can do it too. This attitude leads to a few bloody lips and bumps and bruises, but we all need them. The world can be pretty cynical. Sometimes our own experiences get in our way. If we've tried something and failed, or others have, we all tend to say, "Why bother?" I often jokingly say, "Thank God I had never been paralyzed before I got paralyzed at the age of 24, because I may not have signed on for what I got myself into!" Getting back to my old life wasn't easy, and all the experts said it was impossible anyway. Let experience inspire and educate you. Don't let it be an anchor around your neck.

Be opened minded. I firmly believe that everyone has something to offer -- an opinion, an experience, or a perspective. You may or may not agree with that perspective, but you should at least listen. This reminds me of my days at Penn State, and especially of the time I spent as part of my fraternity, Fiji. I lived with 50 guys, and I didn't agree with each and every one of them all the time. When I agreed with a fraternity brother, it was fine. When I didn't, it helped me better understand myself. The disagreements helped me figure out who I was and what I believed in.

Image. There's no doubt that we live in a world that first looks at appearances and then quickly forms a judgment of you before you even open your mouth. We live in a world in which some parents allow children who are teenagers and even younger to have non-essential cosmetic surgery, just for appearance's sake. It's a world in which adults judge themselves harshly, and fear about being judged by their appearance. With all of this, how can we possibly teach our kids it's not about appearance? It's a challenge to teach them that the world will ultimately see you as you see yourself, and the most important people in your life (like family and friends) don't care how you look. When I got hurt, my physical appearance was changing - beyond just suddenly becoming dependent on my chair. My hands were very weak and my fingers curled in. With no abdomen muscles, I was already beginning to get a gut. Before my accident, I was a decent looking guy with a runner's body type. I was a very social, outgoing, and self- confident -- a high energy guy who was always in the middle of everything. Suddenly, my appearance was changing. I didn't know how my personality would be affected and I didn't know how I would be seen or accepted by others. I wasn't so worried about being judged by my family and friends. I was confident that my new appearance wouldn't change anything in terms of how they saw me. But what about the people I'd meet in the future - the people I wanted to meet, the friends I wanted to make, and future colleagues? How would I be seen and treated? I realized very quickly that people would see me as I saw myself and respond accordingly. If I saw myself as a very social, outgoing, high energy guy in the middle of everything, who just happened to be in a chair, then that is how I would be treated -- and not long after my accident that's exactly how people began to see me and treat me. I believe people admire and respect people who are comfortable in their own skin, who realize it isn't all about appearance.

Try things. I am guilty of being a creature of habit, to some degree – especially when it comes to things like food or going places. As a result of my accident, I think that habit has been even further reinforced because of how my body reacts to certain foods now and the challenges of accessibility and convenience. Sometimes it's just easier to go to the same sandwich place for lunch because of accessibility. Now the vast majority of places are accessible but maybe not quite as easy to get around in, for example, so often we go there. I am not as worried about the food and places, as much as I am concerned about the mindset I'm demonstrating for my kids and the example I am setting, because they don't know what they don't know. They can't experience things if they don't know there are other things to experience. If you and your family can't visit other places, attend certain activities because of cost, distance, accessibility or other reasons, then expose your kids to these things via the internet, books and even television. Let them see what is out there in your own home town and outside of it, and encourage them to be curious and explore

Now. I think today's "on-demand world" is warping our kids' sense of reality about the world. As adults, we don’t help with this and don't always set a great example. We have the kids' favorite shows "Tivoed," so not only can they watch the cartoon "Little Einsteins" or "The Little Mermaid" when they want to, but they can pick which episode -- and then get annoyed when they can't do that on the kitchen TV. We need to teach our kids that the important things in life are not only worth waiting for, but worth working for as well. We need to instill in our children that if they want success and happiness in life, it will take patience, trial and error, and hard work. Already, I see that my 3- and almost 5-year-old seem to be quick to drop something if they can't do it right, right away or get what they want. I realize it is unfair of me to jump to any conclusions, because of their young ages, but if we don't emphasize the importance of practice and patience now, who knows where this might lead.

These are just a few of the main things I try to focus on as a dad. In closing, I offer one more piece of advice. Remember, in the end you are always on stage. Your kids are watching you, more then they are listening to you. (In my house, this is evidenced by how many times I say, "Please don't hang on the towel rack!") If your words don't match your actions, your kids will see it. If you are lucky, they will call you out on it – and you can make a little "course correction." You should actually be more worried if they don't call you out on any inconsistency. Remember this quote, "Character is what you do in the dark or when you don't think anyone is looking."
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